Author Topic: Dark Age Legends, Chapter 19 -- Sign Ups  (Read 14935 times)

Drannic_Lord01

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Re: Dark Age Legends, Chapter 19 -- Sign Ups
« Reply #15 on: December 27, 2008, 05:27:39 AM »
Funny thing about that, Dude man, I'm waiting for a reply from you... Funny in't it? Meh, not really I suppose... I thought it was funny, anyways.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 06:00:00 PM by Guest »
~Drannic~

Blarghul-flarggen... Idk, I would have put an awsome quote down here, but a demon baby ate most of \'em, and the rest, everybody else has. So there...

Blarghul-flarggen, fool.

Dude Man

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Re: Dark Age Legends, Chapter 19 -- Sign Ups
« Reply #16 on: December 27, 2008, 11:57:29 AM »
Ooopps? Really??

Valos needs to do something? Is that it?

Sorry on top of nobody else posting, I've had my mind focused on other things lately.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 06:00:00 PM by Guest »
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Drannic_Lord01

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Re: Dark Age Legends, Chapter 19 -- Sign Ups
« Reply #17 on: January 01, 2009, 06:28:10 PM »
I'll post after you, Dude Man; Whenever you're ready...
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 06:00:00 PM by Guest »
~Drannic~

Blarghul-flarggen... Idk, I would have put an awsome quote down here, but a demon baby ate most of \'em, and the rest, everybody else has. So there...

Blarghul-flarggen, fool.

Dude Man

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Re: Dark Age Legends, Chapter 19 -- Sign Ups
« Reply #18 on: January 05, 2009, 03:52:20 PM »
Ein's internet is messed up so he can't post. We have no idea when he will next.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 06:00:00 PM by Guest »
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Dude Man

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Re: Dark Age Legends, Chapter 19 -- Sign Ups
« Reply #19 on: January 06, 2009, 09:22:03 PM »
Drannic if you're still waiting for me to reply, I have no idea what you want me to reply to, so just tell me. XD

Or maybe you're just away and that's why you're not posting.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 06:00:00 PM by Dude Man »
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Drannic_Lord01

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Re: Dark Age Legends, Chapter 19 -- Sign Ups
« Reply #20 on: January 10, 2009, 12:24:12 PM »
@ Valose:

"D'ya have any idea where he might be goin'?" Doriana began, "We might be able to cut him off. I don't know, though, that guy looked pretty damn strong."
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 06:00:00 PM by Guest »
~Drannic~

Blarghul-flarggen... Idk, I would have put an awsome quote down here, but a demon baby ate most of \'em, and the rest, everybody else has. So there...

Blarghul-flarggen, fool.

Dude Man

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Re: Dark Age Legends, Chapter 19 -- Sign Ups
« Reply #21 on: January 11, 2009, 03:52:44 PM »
Whoa? You were being that suborn for that? Alright.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 06:00:00 PM by Guest »
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D. Ein

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Re: Dark Age Legends, Chapter 19 -- Sign Ups
« Reply #22 on: January 12, 2009, 08:12:06 PM »
I AM BACK RWAAAAAARRR

Also, I have been working on a massive assignment for my Creative Writing class - a story. Because of extreme paranoia connected to Turn-It-In bots, I don't feel safe posting the actual text on the internet, so here's the raw .doc file. If you find the time, please read it (it's 10 pages, single-spaced;~6500 words), and all criticism, constructive or unconstructive, is more than welcome. Thanks in advance, now I go read the infinity and a half posts I've missed (but can't post today due to finger ache after writing the said story).

As for the ending, it's a separate paper (a letter) which I still haven't finished. In a nutshell, the two guys get eaten by a dragon. =)

Expect an epic post tomorrow.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 06:00:00 PM by D. Ein »
!!!! , ...

—staring wildly up and down
the here we are now judgment day

cross the threshold have no dread
lift the sheet back in this way.
here is little Effie’s head
whose brains are made of gingerbread

Xorlak

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Re: Dark Age Legends, Chapter 19 -- Sign Ups
« Reply #23 on: January 16, 2009, 04:35:27 PM »
Wow, Ein.  Fantastic job on this.  Really nice active voice descriptions.  I suspected that Auris killed the first enchanter after the dream he had (and subsequently the second), but that didn't take away from the enjoyment of the story.

Just a few minor things I think need addressing. The first is that your first few paragraphs are too long.  You get better as the story goes on, but the first page makes my eyes glaze over as they meet a solid wall of text.  Definitely break those up a bit more. You also slip into present tense a few times.  It's tempting to say phrases like "but it’s best to show everything just as..." but the story and narration are in the past, so these should be as well.

Quote
“I suppose,” Mathias added, “that considering what I just said, this may seem a little hypocritical on my behalf.”

   He slipped his hand in his pocket, producing a small amulet. It was silver and oval-shaped, with a pale sapphire in the middle. The sapphire was surrounded by inscribed glyphs, probably words in a long-forgotten tongue. But the glyphs looked peculiar, and the stone in the middle as well… the combination of the sapphire with silver looking like ice… It couldn’t be…

   “My great-grandfather’s,” Mathias grinned. “Here. Have it.”
 

Okay, opposite situation here. ;) All these actions are performed by the same character, so I think you want this all one paragraph.  Especially the first two, since I thought that because of the paragraph break the "he" in the second paragraph indicated Auris.

Minor nitpicks though... this is really nicely written and I thoroughly enjoyed it.  Definitely post the ending letter thing as I'm very interested to find out what happens. :)
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 06:00:00 PM by Guest »

D. Ein

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Re: Dark Age Legends, Chapter 19 -- Sign Ups
« Reply #24 on: January 16, 2009, 09:52:06 PM »
Thanks a lot for the suggestions, Xorlak! Apologies about the (once again) lack of posts, I was busy with my university application. I will definitely get one in before this week ends, at the very least.

Yeah, about the first few paragraphs... I wrote those without considering the 20-page (double-spaced) limit for the story. My mind started wandering and I wrote whatever came into my head, so instead of being a nice evenly spaced mass, the story went in a sort of clumps... the first two being huge, with the backstory and intro and all, the rest being more broken up to allow for dialogue (which is why I broke it up in inappropriate places, so that dialogue is easier to distinguish from the rest of the story - a practice carried over from my MS posts). Again, though, thanks a lot for the suggestions.

If anyone is interested, you can see the conclusion of the story.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 06:00:00 PM by Guest »
!!!! , ...

—staring wildly up and down
the here we are now judgment day

cross the threshold have no dread
lift the sheet back in this way.
here is little Effie’s head
whose brains are made of gingerbread

Drannic_Lord01

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Re: Dark Age Legends, Chapter 19 -- Sign Ups
« Reply #25 on: January 18, 2009, 03:26:27 PM »
Sorry for not posting. Shitty month so far, shitty time at work, shitty... life, pretty much. I'll get to it now.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 06:00:00 PM by Guest »
~Drannic~

Blarghul-flarggen... Idk, I would have put an awsome quote down here, but a demon baby ate most of \'em, and the rest, everybody else has. So there...

Blarghul-flarggen, fool.

Baronvoncudiebuddles

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Re: Dark Age Legends, Chapter 19 -- Sign Ups
« Reply #26 on: January 21, 2009, 02:47:23 PM »
Figure i might as well join!
Name: Kitse Burnes
Gender: Male
Race: Human
Specialization(s): Hand to hand combat. Chakra talents (Energy shots... etc.) Makeshift weapons.
Age:19
Job: Salesmen
Weapon(s): As kitse prefers not to kill people he usually fights with his bare fists, but if worse comes to orst he equips a pair of spiked knuckles, or anything else he can find around him.
Alliance: None
Description: Tall of medium weight, weraing shaggy clothes, and a pair of crooked glasses.
Bio: Lives on the street, selling random knick knacks to earn enough money to by food. Always helps someone in danger, even if it puts his own life at risk.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 06:00:00 PM by Guest »

Xorlak

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Re: Dark Age Legends, Chapter 19 -- Sign Ups
« Reply #27 on: January 22, 2009, 08:12:25 PM »
Looks good, Baron, welcome to DAL!

I will admit though, it looks like this RP is winding down to and end as things have been very slow going.  I myself will be wrapping my plot thread up in a few posts.  But you are welcome to join in before the sun sets. ;)
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 06:00:00 PM by Guest »

D. Ein

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Re: Dark Age Legends, Chapter 19 -- Sign Ups
« Reply #28 on: January 22, 2009, 09:05:55 PM »
It's just too bad that everyone's schedule is so frantic now. DM and I are busy with exams, and additionally university for me, and Drannic has some other stuff going on in life. I will be sad if I won't bring my stories to a good close.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 06:00:00 PM by Guest »
!!!! , ...

—staring wildly up and down
the here we are now judgment day

cross the threshold have no dread
lift the sheet back in this way.
here is little Effie’s head
whose brains are made of gingerbread

Dude Man

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Re: Dark Age Legends, Chapter 19 -- Sign Ups
« Reply #29 on: January 25, 2009, 07:08:59 PM »
Holy shit, I'm really sorry but I've had like no motivation to post lately. I have no idea what's wrong really...
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 06:00:00 PM by Guest »
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